I wish I could take credit for this
This was forwarded to me. It's by a columnist for the Salt Lake Tribune. He's talking about the specialty wards we have in the Mormon church--the singles ward, the deaf branch, the Spanish ward etc. He believes we should add a few more specialties:
"The specialty-ward idea needs to be improved on in our ever-changing and increasingly divided culture.
For example, there needs to be a late ward, a ward Mormons who are perpetually late for church could attend and not feel bad about dragging their herd in 15 minutes late The only problem with a late ward would be showing up late for a meeting that was supposed to start late in the first place. Eventually, you would end up with a ward that ran out of time before it started. 'Welcome to the Tardy 3rd Ward, brothers and sisters. We will close now by singing hymn No... 145.'
Given the high birthrate among Mormons, I thought about the need for maternity wards. Except that we already have those. They're called married student wards.
A Star Trek ward might do well. The bishop would preside from "the bridge" instead of the stand. High-council Sunday would be referred to as a "Klingon Sunday."
Harley riders congregate to the exclusion of just about everyone else. Why not an LDS biker ward? White shirts and neckties go well with black leather.
Ken really wants to attend a concealed-weapons ward. He says church would be a lot more interesting if real personal risks were involved in disagreeing with a lesson.
There could be a texting ward for teenagers. Bear your testimony with your thumb. In 25 years, they'll all belong to carpal-tunnel wards.
At the less-active ward, maybe there'll be a meeting and maybe there won't.
Testimony meeting in an anger-management ward might be interesting. Nobody's going to sleep through, "HEY! I KNOW THE CHURCH IS TRUE, STUPID!"
A big hit would be the Multi Level Marketing ward, also known as a "Gadianton robber ward." With all the financial scamming that goes on in this culture, it would be nice to have them all in one place for a three-hour block weekly.
I think a Democrat ward is a good idea, although in Utah the best we could probably hope for is a Democrat branch.
"The specialty-ward idea needs to be improved on in our ever-changing and increasingly divided culture.
For example, there needs to be a late ward, a ward Mormons who are perpetually late for church could attend and not feel bad about dragging their herd in 15 minutes late The only problem with a late ward would be showing up late for a meeting that was supposed to start late in the first place. Eventually, you would end up with a ward that ran out of time before it started. 'Welcome to the Tardy 3rd Ward, brothers and sisters. We will close now by singing hymn No... 145.'
Given the high birthrate among Mormons, I thought about the need for maternity wards. Except that we already have those. They're called married student wards.
A Star Trek ward might do well. The bishop would preside from "the bridge" instead of the stand. High-council Sunday would be referred to as a "Klingon Sunday."
Harley riders congregate to the exclusion of just about everyone else. Why not an LDS biker ward? White shirts and neckties go well with black leather.
Ken really wants to attend a concealed-weapons ward. He says church would be a lot more interesting if real personal risks were involved in disagreeing with a lesson.
There could be a texting ward for teenagers. Bear your testimony with your thumb. In 25 years, they'll all belong to carpal-tunnel wards.
At the less-active ward, maybe there'll be a meeting and maybe there won't.
Testimony meeting in an anger-management ward might be interesting. Nobody's going to sleep through, "HEY! I KNOW THE CHURCH IS TRUE, STUPID!"
A big hit would be the Multi Level Marketing ward, also known as a "Gadianton robber ward." With all the financial scamming that goes on in this culture, it would be nice to have them all in one place for a three-hour block weekly.
I think a Democrat ward is a good idea, although in Utah the best we could probably hope for is a Democrat branch.
And lastly the "Formerly Catholic Ward" which meets for ONLY 45 minutes every Christmas and Easter."
I just had to laugh at that. Roy would especially like the "Concealed Carry Ward."
I just had to laugh at that. Roy would especially like the "Concealed Carry Ward."
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