Leave the narration to Morgan Freeman
Last night I went to the movie. The kids were at a football game so I went alone. No I'm not a loser; I am supremely comfortable in my own company. I went to see Contagion. Apparently as I approach the end of my fourth decade, I am more likely to prefer movies frequented by the AARP crowd--I was the youngest person in the theater. I scanned the theater for a seat. I remember thinking I'd sit in front of this nice older couple (ok, I could have sat anywhere and thought that) but not directly in front of them, one seat to the left of the man--that was my first mistake. The man was amused (loudly) at every commercial and preview shown prior to the movie. He laughed hysterically at the horror movie preview, the Playboy Club TV preview and the Mission Impossible 4 trailer. Well maybe Tom Cruise is hysterical but I was baffled by the rest of his guffaws. Finally the movie started; I hoped he wouldn't giggle at the subject of a deadly virus raging through the world. Thankfully he didn't. No, he had to narrate the entire film. I'm not sure if he was narrating for his wife, for me, for himself or if he just couldn't hear himself and didn't realize he was doing it. I won't recount his narration in case it provides any spoilers to the movie.
But it reminded of a similar experience several years ago. I went to see Tom Hanks in Castaway. I don't like Tom's politics but I love his movies--Larry Crowne was ok but Castaway was one of my favorites especially since for a large portion of the film, Tom is on-screen with only Wilson the volleyball so his acting skills really shine through. Again I was sitting in front of Mr. Narrator who detailed every moment of the movie for those nearby to hear. "Oh, he's got a bad toothache, he should have gotten that taken care of before the flight. Oh now he's got those ice skates. He's gonna use the skate blade to cut out the tooth. Ouch! Oh, four years have passed. Look how skinny he is! Now he's gonna use the video tape for rope." Thank you very much, I have eyes, I can see and hear the audio so kindly provided with the price of admission! Maybe my two narrators thought they had somehow stumbled into an all-blind theater so they needed to provide extra audio for the benefit of the sightless. I don't know but my Contagion narrator was just as annoying as my Castaway narrator. They didn't have a James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman voice, no just an irritating if-I-don't-say-it-outloud,-I won't-know-what's-going-on voice. These are the people the theaters make those commercials for. You know The Notebook thing where Ryan Gosling's dialogue is covered up by something about the dog throwing up. My Mr. Narrator last night laughed at that too but was oblivious, I guess because he figured if he was talking about the movie, it was ok.
By the way, the movie was really good. Jude Law plays an awesome conspiracy theorist blogger; Lawrence Fishburne is a great CDC director (he's a good documentary narrator too!); Matt Damon is a good grieving husband and father trying to protect his daughter from this plague. And thankfully Matt Damon didn't have to save anyone but his daughter. My biggest apprehension of seeing the movie was that the whole fate of human civilization would hinge on Matt Damon--that's too much pressure for one actor especially when he doesn't have Clooney or Pitt for back up. My favorite quote of the film, "Blogging, that's just graffiti with punctuation!" Mr. Narrator and I both chuckled at that one!
But it reminded of a similar experience several years ago. I went to see Tom Hanks in Castaway. I don't like Tom's politics but I love his movies--Larry Crowne was ok but Castaway was one of my favorites especially since for a large portion of the film, Tom is on-screen with only Wilson the volleyball so his acting skills really shine through. Again I was sitting in front of Mr. Narrator who detailed every moment of the movie for those nearby to hear. "Oh, he's got a bad toothache, he should have gotten that taken care of before the flight. Oh now he's got those ice skates. He's gonna use the skate blade to cut out the tooth. Ouch! Oh, four years have passed. Look how skinny he is! Now he's gonna use the video tape for rope." Thank you very much, I have eyes, I can see and hear the audio so kindly provided with the price of admission! Maybe my two narrators thought they had somehow stumbled into an all-blind theater so they needed to provide extra audio for the benefit of the sightless. I don't know but my Contagion narrator was just as annoying as my Castaway narrator. They didn't have a James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman voice, no just an irritating if-I-don't-say-it-outloud,-I won't-know-what's-going-on voice. These are the people the theaters make those commercials for. You know The Notebook thing where Ryan Gosling's dialogue is covered up by something about the dog throwing up. My Mr. Narrator last night laughed at that too but was oblivious, I guess because he figured if he was talking about the movie, it was ok.
By the way, the movie was really good. Jude Law plays an awesome conspiracy theorist blogger; Lawrence Fishburne is a great CDC director (he's a good documentary narrator too!); Matt Damon is a good grieving husband and father trying to protect his daughter from this plague. And thankfully Matt Damon didn't have to save anyone but his daughter. My biggest apprehension of seeing the movie was that the whole fate of human civilization would hinge on Matt Damon--that's too much pressure for one actor especially when he doesn't have Clooney or Pitt for back up. My favorite quote of the film, "Blogging, that's just graffiti with punctuation!" Mr. Narrator and I both chuckled at that one!
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That said, I did just go see The Help. My friend and I up here read the book and she's a retired school teacher. When she retired someone gave her a bunch of movie tickets so she took me! We loved the book and surprisingly we loved the movie too! If you haven't seen that one, you should take yourself out on another date...so worth it!