Christmas is a time of miracles
It has been awhile, but in my defense, it's been a busy couple of months. And fair warning: this is going to be a monster long blog to update and share all the amazingness that's been happening.
Part I--before birth. As most know, Lindsey was pregnant and due January 7 with a girl. She first told me she was pregnant a week after Mother's Day. Not the most welcome news when there hasn't been a marriage first. But we roll with the punches in our family so life proceeded with plans of a marriage. When that didn't work out, both Lindsey and the birth father made the wise decision to choose adoption for the baby. Let me just say right here that I am very pro-adoption. My best friend/roommate from college was able to have three children through adoption. I've known many people who suffer with the heartache of infertility so I know what a blessing adoption can be. I was always hoping and praying that Lindsey would choose adoption but I also firmly believe the decision was Lindsey's not mine. The birth father soon removed himself from the picture so Lindsey and I made plans for a birth and a placement. She worked through LDS Family Services to choose an adoptive family.
I remember the day we went to Family Services to look at prospective parents. Jordan came with us and we joked that we were family shopping. We took home pictures, letters and profiles of about five families. Some families already had adopted children; some did not. We were very impressed with all the families available to adopt. Any birth mother considering adoption should consider LDS Family Services. You can rest assured that the couples looking to adopt are the cream of the cream of the crop. They go through a rigorous screening procedure. Lindsey read through all of them but I could tell from the way she kept coming back to one couple that she would choose Ben and Ashley--and she did. She said she teared up every time she read their profile so for her that was the answer. She was able to choose them and arrange a meeting in a very short time. She wanted to meet them so that they could be present for the ultra-sound where she would find out the sex of the baby. The meeting was sweet and tender. They are a cute couple who have been married about six years.
They live about three hours from us in another part of the state. They were thrilled to be invited to the ultra-sound. It was love for them immediately on our part and not just because they brought both Lindsey and me flowers (our favorite thing). About a week later we met at the doctor's office for the ultra-sound. This time they brought cookies for both of us and a princess lunch box for Lindsey (they had her pegged from one meeting!) At the ultra-sound we, of course, found out that Lindsey was expecting a girl. Side note: Ben was so cute at the ultra-sound only looking at the monitor on the wall--never Lindsey's tummy! Also at that meeting, I brought them a pedigree chart, family group sheet and baby picture of Lindsey. From the beginning, they have wanted to know about Lindsey and her family so that the baby would know her birth family. I have been very impressed with them. At the ultra-sound, the baby's name tentatively became Arianna Lyn. Unlike me with all five of my children, Ben and Ashley wanted to see the baby before finalizing a name. It became a joke to tease them, that we just wanted to know a name. So to have something to call her, Lindsey started calling her Baby Ninja--it kind of stuck and we all started calling her that. Shortly after the ultra-sound, we found out that Ben and I are fifth cousins through the Guymon side.
Here is Ben's line: Vernene Cluff---Florence Walker---Vera Guymon---Enoch Guymon---Lafayette Guymon---James Neils Guymon---Thomas Guymon
Things continued to progress after the ultra-sound. Lindsey was in the fall school musical "Oklahoma." Ben and Ashley came for one performance and went to church with us. We had a great visit and were all eagerly anticipating the birth sometime in early January. All went well with Lindsey and she finished the semester strong with a 3.79 GPA.
Part II--birth and beyond
About December 19, Lindsey started having contractions--not really regular or time-able but making her miserable nonetheless. I spent the last few days of the semester getting ready for my classes in case I didn't come back from Christmas break. Lindsey spent the last few days just being uncomfortable.We finished school on December 20. After school that day, Lindsey decided to scare Jordan and me by falling partway down our stairs. She assured us she didn't do it on purpose but I figured she didn't want to follow my advice of bowling to start labor and would just try her own method. She seemed fine; baby was still very active so after getting our hospital bags ready, we all went to bed. Well later that night/early morning about 1AM Lindsey woke me up to say that her contractions were becoming harder and more regular. I screamed--literally! In my defense I had been dreaming all night that someone was in labor, and from my dad, I must get the inability to wake up easily. My kids all know when they come home late from a date that I might scream at them. After I woke up, we gathered our bags, let Jordan know, and headed to the hospital. At the hospital, they have a pre-admission room where they check the pregnant lady to make sure she's really in progressive labor. They hooked Lindsey up to the monitors and we waited. She definitely was having contractions but after about three hours and almost dilated to a 1, they sent us home because she wasn't progressing fast enough to keep her. After getting a few hours sleep we headed to the doctor for her regular weekly appointment. By this time she was fully dilated to a 1 but the doctor would not consider inducing her labor. The policy seems to be no induction before 39 weeks. We decided to enjoy our Christmas break as much as possible so the three of us went to see "Sherlock Holmes." It was good other than I fell asleep due to my middle of the night activities. I don't know how Lindsey stayed awake--maybe her contractions helped. Friday morning Lindsey was still very miserable. I told her if no baby by Monday, we were going bowling. She started doing laps around our house and mostly had a miserable day. I tried to get as much grading and cleaning done as possible. I started having the nesting urge (not sure what that meant at the time but it seemed to be a sign). Also that day, Ashley asked for a full preggo picture of Lindsey.
Beautiful isn't she?!
About 6PM she decided to take a bath and try to get some sleep. By 7PM she was back on my bed with harder contractions. Jordan was absolutely adorable, timing the contractions and just being the man of the family. She was doing her breathing and I was just about ready to head to the hospital just to make sure. Then about 7:50PM her water broke. Now I knew it was time to head to the hospital! Again Jordan was amazing--he gathered our bags and purses in one load, headed to the car, and checked to make sure we had our phone chargers. He's gonna make a great husband! I called Ashley as we were driving. We live about 40 miles from the hospital but I made it in 30 minutes. At one point, between contractions, Lindsey said, "Mom, you really don't need to drive 90!" Again, in my defense, her labor was going just about like my labor with her--she was born 30 minutes after my water broke--and I wasn't prepared to deliver her baby in the car! We got to the hospital about 8:20. They checked her out in the pre-admission room--dilated to a 4--and s.l.o.w.l.y. admitted her to the labor/delivery room. By the time she got to the labor/delivery room--just down the hall--she was dilated to a NINE! Holy cow, I guess she was going to take after her mama after all! The nurses were trying to get her hooked up to everything; she was doing her breathing and just being a real trooper. About 9PM she felt it was time to push--boy those nurses really started hopping then. They hadn't gotten a hold of the doctor yet so one of them was preparing to catch the baby. The doctor did arrive in time but Lindsey, the nurses and I were doing all the work (well Lindsey the most). The doctor just stood there with his hands out. I guess in all my birth experiences, I'd never paid much attention to what the doctor was doing. After about 15 minutes Arianna Lyn came into the world at 9:13 PM on December 23. She looks just like Lindsey.
She is perfect in every way!
Unfortunately Ben and Ashley didn't make it in time for the delivery. I'm not sure they would have made it even if they had lived closer. Lindsey was determined to beat my first labor time--she did by a mile! She was the nurses' hero. Ben and Ashley made record time to the hospital, arriving a little after 11:30PM. After some cuddles with Lindsey, Ari went to the nursery for her first bath and check up. I was privileged to be there when Ben and Ashley first saw her. What a sweet, tender experience as they beheld their daughter for the first time.
Lindsey is my hero too. She has always felt that this baby was theirs, that she was just helping the baby get to them. She was very sleepy after the birth--might have been the meds they were finally able to give her after everything was over! We spent two days in the hospital snuggling with Ari and resting as much as a hospital stay will allow. Since it was over the Christmas holiday, we didn't know exactly when her court appointment would be scheduled. But hospital policy allowed for Lindsey to be discharged while Ari could stay until the court date. Lindsey said goodbye to Ari Christmas morning and we went home to open presents with Jordan. Ben and Ashley were staying in a local motel. They were able to stay during the day with Ari. We were all hoping for a court date on Tuesday December 27 but apparently the judge hadn't been advised of our plans and was out of town until Thursday December 29. With a delayed court date, we weren't sure if the baby would be able to stay in the hospital or have to be discharged to Lindsey and go into temporary foster care. That caused us some stress but it was resolved--just one of many miracles we experienced through all this process. Lindsey recovered quickly from the stress of birth--there's something to be said for being 17 and in good health.
Part III--miracle at court
On Thursday we went to court to finalize Lindsey's part of the adoption. We met with our attorney to go over questions Lindsey would be asked in court. The birth father had been notified by mail and contacted on the phone by our lawyer's office. There was no indication he planned to contest the adoption. However when Lindsey went to another part of the courthouse to sign papers, I noticed the birth father and his mother enter the courthouse. Their lawyer showed up shortly after they did. I alerted our lawyer's associate, Ben and Ashley's lawyer and our LDS Family Services counselor. My stomach started churning as I knew this turn of events couldn't be good. My immediate impressions were to NOT say anything to them (I would have made things worse) and to shield Lindsey from seeing them when she returned from signing papers. When Lindsey and her lawyer returned, I took Lindsey away while alerting the lawyer about the situation. All the lawyers went into the court room to discuss things. Lindsey and I were obviously upset and nervous. About this same time, and unknown to us, Ben and Ashley felt prompted to introduce themselves to the birth father and his mother. After the lawyers' meeting, our lawyer took us downstairs to advise us of the situation. Because the birth father would have a strong case against Ben and Ashley, our lawyer advised us to take the baby home and fight it out with the birth father for full custody. We were devastated, overwhelmed and also guilty about what this was doing to Ben and Ashley. Our Family Services counselor told us Ben and Ashley understood the risks and that their lawyer had advised them there was nothing they could do so they might as well leave. I was concerned about an expensive legal battle but our lawyer reassured me that she would take our case pro-bono. I can't say enough good about our lawyer--she has been a great support through everything but really showed what a wonderful lady she was by that statement. (Another miracle) Our lawyer left Lindsey and me alone to talk and figure things out. Through tears, I assured Lindsey that she could parent that sweet baby and I would be there all the way to help. We made plans to get a car seat and go pick up the baby. As we were talking, Ashley came to the door. We both figured she was just coming to say goodbye. She burst through the door saying that the birth father had changed his mind and was willing to sign over his rights. WHAT?! She explained that she and Ben were waiting in the hallway after their lawyer had told them there was nothing more they could do. She felt strongly impressed to go up to the birth father and his mother again to let them know how they didn't want him left out of the picture and that they were going to be good parents to the baby. I'm still not clear on everything they said to him. But I AM sure that they followed the promptings of the Holy Ghost and said exactly what he and his mother needed to hear. Ashley said she could see their countenances change--they witnessed a true change of heart. And we ALL witnessed a true miracle. As I'm writing this, I am still tearing up even several days later. Just knowing how strongly his mother felt against adoption and against Mormons, I still can't believe how well things turned out. He went into court first and signed the necessary papers; then Lindsey; then Ben and Ashley. I was in the car later and saw them literally skipping to their car to pick up the baby. They invited the birth father to meet them there and had a tender time with him. I'm glad, and glad I listened to the Spirit and didn't open my mouth to him during all the courthouse business. I could never have been as Christ-like as Ben and Ashley were. Now I have two more heroes: Arianna Lyn's sweet parents.
Several times in my life, I have glimpsed heaven. . . these last few weeks. . .I have been privileged to experience heaven.
Home, in her own bed.
Check out Ben and Ashley's blog for their perspective.
Part I--before birth. As most know, Lindsey was pregnant and due January 7 with a girl. She first told me she was pregnant a week after Mother's Day. Not the most welcome news when there hasn't been a marriage first. But we roll with the punches in our family so life proceeded with plans of a marriage. When that didn't work out, both Lindsey and the birth father made the wise decision to choose adoption for the baby. Let me just say right here that I am very pro-adoption. My best friend/roommate from college was able to have three children through adoption. I've known many people who suffer with the heartache of infertility so I know what a blessing adoption can be. I was always hoping and praying that Lindsey would choose adoption but I also firmly believe the decision was Lindsey's not mine. The birth father soon removed himself from the picture so Lindsey and I made plans for a birth and a placement. She worked through LDS Family Services to choose an adoptive family.
I remember the day we went to Family Services to look at prospective parents. Jordan came with us and we joked that we were family shopping. We took home pictures, letters and profiles of about five families. Some families already had adopted children; some did not. We were very impressed with all the families available to adopt. Any birth mother considering adoption should consider LDS Family Services. You can rest assured that the couples looking to adopt are the cream of the cream of the crop. They go through a rigorous screening procedure. Lindsey read through all of them but I could tell from the way she kept coming back to one couple that she would choose Ben and Ashley--and she did. She said she teared up every time she read their profile so for her that was the answer. She was able to choose them and arrange a meeting in a very short time. She wanted to meet them so that they could be present for the ultra-sound where she would find out the sex of the baby. The meeting was sweet and tender. They are a cute couple who have been married about six years.
They live about three hours from us in another part of the state. They were thrilled to be invited to the ultra-sound. It was love for them immediately on our part and not just because they brought both Lindsey and me flowers (our favorite thing). About a week later we met at the doctor's office for the ultra-sound. This time they brought cookies for both of us and a princess lunch box for Lindsey (they had her pegged from one meeting!) At the ultra-sound we, of course, found out that Lindsey was expecting a girl. Side note: Ben was so cute at the ultra-sound only looking at the monitor on the wall--never Lindsey's tummy! Also at that meeting, I brought them a pedigree chart, family group sheet and baby picture of Lindsey. From the beginning, they have wanted to know about Lindsey and her family so that the baby would know her birth family. I have been very impressed with them. At the ultra-sound, the baby's name tentatively became Arianna Lyn. Unlike me with all five of my children, Ben and Ashley wanted to see the baby before finalizing a name. It became a joke to tease them, that we just wanted to know a name. So to have something to call her, Lindsey started calling her Baby Ninja--it kind of stuck and we all started calling her that. Shortly after the ultra-sound, we found out that Ben and I are fifth cousins through the Guymon side.
Here is Ben's line: Vernene Cluff---Florence Walker---Vera Guymon---Enoch Guymon---Lafayette Guymon---James Neils Guymon---Thomas Guymon
Here is my line: Alicyn Alger---Vearl Guymon---William L Guymon---Noah Thomas Guymon II---Noah Thomas Guymon Sr.---Thomas Guymon
So many miracles along the way and that was just another one. Some others include that both Lindsey and Ashley look a lot alike, they both like music (both were in band), both Ben and Lindsey like the color yellow, Lindsey liked the middle name Lyn for the baby and that happens to be Ashley's mother's name. Ben's mother (the one I'm related to) and my mom have both passed away. I'm convinced that my mom and Ben's mom were both on the other side making sure everything worked out for this baby to get to their family.Things continued to progress after the ultra-sound. Lindsey was in the fall school musical "Oklahoma." Ben and Ashley came for one performance and went to church with us. We had a great visit and were all eagerly anticipating the birth sometime in early January. All went well with Lindsey and she finished the semester strong with a 3.79 GPA.
Part II--birth and beyond
About December 19, Lindsey started having contractions--not really regular or time-able but making her miserable nonetheless. I spent the last few days of the semester getting ready for my classes in case I didn't come back from Christmas break. Lindsey spent the last few days just being uncomfortable.We finished school on December 20. After school that day, Lindsey decided to scare Jordan and me by falling partway down our stairs. She assured us she didn't do it on purpose but I figured she didn't want to follow my advice of bowling to start labor and would just try her own method. She seemed fine; baby was still very active so after getting our hospital bags ready, we all went to bed. Well later that night/early morning about 1AM Lindsey woke me up to say that her contractions were becoming harder and more regular. I screamed--literally! In my defense I had been dreaming all night that someone was in labor, and from my dad, I must get the inability to wake up easily. My kids all know when they come home late from a date that I might scream at them. After I woke up, we gathered our bags, let Jordan know, and headed to the hospital. At the hospital, they have a pre-admission room where they check the pregnant lady to make sure she's really in progressive labor. They hooked Lindsey up to the monitors and we waited. She definitely was having contractions but after about three hours and almost dilated to a 1, they sent us home because she wasn't progressing fast enough to keep her. After getting a few hours sleep we headed to the doctor for her regular weekly appointment. By this time she was fully dilated to a 1 but the doctor would not consider inducing her labor. The policy seems to be no induction before 39 weeks. We decided to enjoy our Christmas break as much as possible so the three of us went to see "Sherlock Holmes." It was good other than I fell asleep due to my middle of the night activities. I don't know how Lindsey stayed awake--maybe her contractions helped. Friday morning Lindsey was still very miserable. I told her if no baby by Monday, we were going bowling. She started doing laps around our house and mostly had a miserable day. I tried to get as much grading and cleaning done as possible. I started having the nesting urge (not sure what that meant at the time but it seemed to be a sign). Also that day, Ashley asked for a full preggo picture of Lindsey.
Beautiful isn't she?!
About 6PM she decided to take a bath and try to get some sleep. By 7PM she was back on my bed with harder contractions. Jordan was absolutely adorable, timing the contractions and just being the man of the family. She was doing her breathing and I was just about ready to head to the hospital just to make sure. Then about 7:50PM her water broke. Now I knew it was time to head to the hospital! Again Jordan was amazing--he gathered our bags and purses in one load, headed to the car, and checked to make sure we had our phone chargers. He's gonna make a great husband! I called Ashley as we were driving. We live about 40 miles from the hospital but I made it in 30 minutes. At one point, between contractions, Lindsey said, "Mom, you really don't need to drive 90!" Again, in my defense, her labor was going just about like my labor with her--she was born 30 minutes after my water broke--and I wasn't prepared to deliver her baby in the car! We got to the hospital about 8:20. They checked her out in the pre-admission room--dilated to a 4--and s.l.o.w.l.y. admitted her to the labor/delivery room. By the time she got to the labor/delivery room--just down the hall--she was dilated to a NINE! Holy cow, I guess she was going to take after her mama after all! The nurses were trying to get her hooked up to everything; she was doing her breathing and just being a real trooper. About 9PM she felt it was time to push--boy those nurses really started hopping then. They hadn't gotten a hold of the doctor yet so one of them was preparing to catch the baby. The doctor did arrive in time but Lindsey, the nurses and I were doing all the work (well Lindsey the most). The doctor just stood there with his hands out. I guess in all my birth experiences, I'd never paid much attention to what the doctor was doing. After about 15 minutes Arianna Lyn came into the world at 9:13 PM on December 23. She looks just like Lindsey.
She is perfect in every way!
Unfortunately Ben and Ashley didn't make it in time for the delivery. I'm not sure they would have made it even if they had lived closer. Lindsey was determined to beat my first labor time--she did by a mile! She was the nurses' hero. Ben and Ashley made record time to the hospital, arriving a little after 11:30PM. After some cuddles with Lindsey, Ari went to the nursery for her first bath and check up. I was privileged to be there when Ben and Ashley first saw her. What a sweet, tender experience as they beheld their daughter for the first time.Lindsey is my hero too. She has always felt that this baby was theirs, that she was just helping the baby get to them. She was very sleepy after the birth--might have been the meds they were finally able to give her after everything was over! We spent two days in the hospital snuggling with Ari and resting as much as a hospital stay will allow. Since it was over the Christmas holiday, we didn't know exactly when her court appointment would be scheduled. But hospital policy allowed for Lindsey to be discharged while Ari could stay until the court date. Lindsey said goodbye to Ari Christmas morning and we went home to open presents with Jordan. Ben and Ashley were staying in a local motel. They were able to stay during the day with Ari. We were all hoping for a court date on Tuesday December 27 but apparently the judge hadn't been advised of our plans and was out of town until Thursday December 29. With a delayed court date, we weren't sure if the baby would be able to stay in the hospital or have to be discharged to Lindsey and go into temporary foster care. That caused us some stress but it was resolved--just one of many miracles we experienced through all this process. Lindsey recovered quickly from the stress of birth--there's something to be said for being 17 and in good health.
On Thursday we went to court to finalize Lindsey's part of the adoption. We met with our attorney to go over questions Lindsey would be asked in court. The birth father had been notified by mail and contacted on the phone by our lawyer's office. There was no indication he planned to contest the adoption. However when Lindsey went to another part of the courthouse to sign papers, I noticed the birth father and his mother enter the courthouse. Their lawyer showed up shortly after they did. I alerted our lawyer's associate, Ben and Ashley's lawyer and our LDS Family Services counselor. My stomach started churning as I knew this turn of events couldn't be good. My immediate impressions were to NOT say anything to them (I would have made things worse) and to shield Lindsey from seeing them when she returned from signing papers. When Lindsey and her lawyer returned, I took Lindsey away while alerting the lawyer about the situation. All the lawyers went into the court room to discuss things. Lindsey and I were obviously upset and nervous. About this same time, and unknown to us, Ben and Ashley felt prompted to introduce themselves to the birth father and his mother. After the lawyers' meeting, our lawyer took us downstairs to advise us of the situation. Because the birth father would have a strong case against Ben and Ashley, our lawyer advised us to take the baby home and fight it out with the birth father for full custody. We were devastated, overwhelmed and also guilty about what this was doing to Ben and Ashley. Our Family Services counselor told us Ben and Ashley understood the risks and that their lawyer had advised them there was nothing they could do so they might as well leave. I was concerned about an expensive legal battle but our lawyer reassured me that she would take our case pro-bono. I can't say enough good about our lawyer--she has been a great support through everything but really showed what a wonderful lady she was by that statement. (Another miracle) Our lawyer left Lindsey and me alone to talk and figure things out. Through tears, I assured Lindsey that she could parent that sweet baby and I would be there all the way to help. We made plans to get a car seat and go pick up the baby. As we were talking, Ashley came to the door. We both figured she was just coming to say goodbye. She burst through the door saying that the birth father had changed his mind and was willing to sign over his rights. WHAT?! She explained that she and Ben were waiting in the hallway after their lawyer had told them there was nothing more they could do. She felt strongly impressed to go up to the birth father and his mother again to let them know how they didn't want him left out of the picture and that they were going to be good parents to the baby. I'm still not clear on everything they said to him. But I AM sure that they followed the promptings of the Holy Ghost and said exactly what he and his mother needed to hear. Ashley said she could see their countenances change--they witnessed a true change of heart. And we ALL witnessed a true miracle. As I'm writing this, I am still tearing up even several days later. Just knowing how strongly his mother felt against adoption and against Mormons, I still can't believe how well things turned out. He went into court first and signed the necessary papers; then Lindsey; then Ben and Ashley. I was in the car later and saw them literally skipping to their car to pick up the baby. They invited the birth father to meet them there and had a tender time with him. I'm glad, and glad I listened to the Spirit and didn't open my mouth to him during all the courthouse business. I could never have been as Christ-like as Ben and Ashley were. Now I have two more heroes: Arianna Lyn's sweet parents.
Several times in my life, I have glimpsed heaven. . . these last few weeks. . .I have been privileged to experience heaven.
Home, in her own bed.
Check out Ben and Ashley's blog for their perspective.
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